Don't Wanna

My sweet and darling child Anna has a favortie phrase and it's "Don't Wanna". She uses it for everything...."Don't wanna go to bed, Mommy", "Don't wanna time out", "Don't wanna nap"....and although some might find this very cute, I find it rather annoying. But part of me wants to channel Anna and just say I "don't wanna".
I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna sick child. I really just don't wanna.

But here I am. I do have a sick child. I am doing my best to ‎'be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer' Romans 12:12, despite the overwhelming desire to do my best impression of Anna!

A few things about Nolen and when I describe him. When I say Nolen was more active this morning (he has since started declining back to being more unresponsive), you really need to understand our definition of active
-he opened both his eyes fully (not half lidded and not with his eyes rolled back)
-he moved his arms and lifted them (not just letting them lay)
-he had noticeable reflexes that were absent yesterday
-he made his facial expressions to give the impression of pain or discomfort
-he "cried" which means he whimpered, sighed deeply and made tiny noises
-he responded to stimulus (painful procedures or uncomfortable ones were reacted to somewhat by him opening his eyes, making small noises and grimaces)
-he sucked on his passy (despite having not been fed for over 24 hours, Nolen was not interested in sucking period until this morning when he exhibitied some desire to suck/eat)

Nolen is taking a very small amount of milk over an extended period of time through a tube in his nose. Hopefully this will bring him back to his "active" state of this morning. He is still unable to cry as you would expect a baby to, remain awake for extended periods of time (5 mins or more), fight doctors, have strong reflexes and kick his feet.

Right now, to hear a strong cry from my son would be music to my ears.