Feeling guilty

I am very thankful to have my little blog here, in the past when only random bloggers were reading it, I found it very helpful to vent out some of my guilt/fears/etc. Well,  now that people I see on a regular basis are reading it, I thought I would hesitate to admit those fears/guilt here, but apparently I'm not.

So here it goes. I am starting to get a little overwhelmed with the amount of appointments Nolen is requiring. Here is a peek into next week.

Monday- Possible starting PT in voorhees (it's not set up yet, but it will be MWorF of every week)
Tuesday-MOPS and then Neurology in Phili
Wednesday-empty (but every other week we do weigh ins and development checks on base, and shots).
Thursday-PT at noon
Friday-empty, Dance Class
Saturday-Dance Class and Soccer Party

I know it doesn't seem like a lot, if it was just one child. And then you have to add in the normal errands of groceries, the library, post office, etc.

But I have two other kids, who I am responsible for. Two kids who require attention and being taught. Not to mention that I have a referral for ANOTHER therapy, but I  am waiting to schedule it because I don't know how the therapist in Voorhees are going to feel about having two additional children with the one they are helping.

 I sometimes wonder how I am going to manage to teach Kaelyn like I should, or how I am suppose to be able to play with Anna like I want...and that is why I find myself waiting to call and schedule Occupational Therapy. I know it would help him, but that would put therapy three times a week, not to mention Neuro/GI atleast once a week. Those two appointments mean a trip into Philadelphia. In addition to bi-monthly weigh ins, monthly well babys, and additional developmental checks. Not to mention the girls have appointments of their own.

I have once again looked into schools around here for Kaelyn to attend PreK, but that still leaves Anna. If I put her into school (and Anna into daycare) those are just two more things that I have to schedule around, four more trips. It  would only further hinder my ability to be flexible with appointments because I don't have to worry about picking her up from school. I've thought about daycare, but again I wonder if it would help or hurt (the more flexible you are with appointment times the better chance you have getting your child seen at an appropriate time and not MONTHS into the future, for instance w/GI the earliest I could get him seen at the Voorhees office would be Feb. but since I am willing to drive I managed an early morning appointment 35-40 mins away from the house in Dec.).

I am feeling a tad bit guilty about not spending enough time with the girls, especially Anna. I feel guilty for not taking Nolen to this additional therapy until I figure out how to balance all I have going on and I find myself scared that somehow, amongst it all I am going to find that I have overlooked something (like shopping for Christmas...can you believe we are only a few weeks away).

Thankfully, I do have my own little outlets. I am still working and volunteering...but those are two things that make me happy, that make me feel like I am accomplishing something, and thankfully they can be done during naps and bedtimes when I am free.