Go ahead and call me nutty.

I won't mind...because I am very aware that I am nutty. But sometimes its the ordinary things, the ordinary moments, that make me realize the relationship God has with us, and with his son.

I should probably give back story so that you can really grasp what I am trying to say. This past week has been full of bittersweet moments. Moments where I can see Kaelyn gaining so much independance, where I want to tell her "No, don't worry about doing those things, just be my little girl and let me do it" but find myself stepping back and letting her try her hand. Point and case, I was in the shower the other day when Kaelyn and Anna come in with bowls full of rice crispy cereal. They ask if they can have it for snack and I said of course (seeing as saying No could have led to me having to follow through if they didn't listen and I had just put shampoo in my hair.) Next thing I know, as conditioner is going into my hair, Kaelyn asks how you make cereal (she had tried making oatmeal during my shower the other day and forgotten to cook it leading to "oatmeal that didn't taste so good"). I tell her the steps not thinking that it could harm anything....right? Wrong, I come downstairs after my shower and Kaelyn tells me on my way down and her way up that "If I was hungry she left me a snack on the table" which is a phrase I say to her fairly often. So, I walk into my kitchen and find an ENTIRE bag of rice crispy cereal all over the floor (and a neat little pile with a spoon and a ton of sugar on top on the table...as in ON THE TABLE) and sugar spilled everywhere. I want to tell her not to do it again, but I find myself instead thanking her for the thoughtful snack and ignoring the mess until Nap.
     
God must feel the same way about us at times. Not wanting to step back and let the big messes happen, wanting to take his hand and guide ours as we pour cereal...but instead he steps back, lets us try our best, praises us for the effort knowing that his Grace will cover us. And then, when the timing is right, he cleans it up.

I also wonder about Joseph and Mary more, now that I am a parent. They must have wanted to pull little Jesus back by the robes and tell him to not worry about the world, because Lord knows I often want to stop Kaelyn's mind from questioning the whys and what nots she becomes more and more aware of. I want to hold Kaelyn back and make childhood last as long as possible, to protect her knowing that I can't protect her from it all. Joseph and Mary had to want the same things, they had to want their child to rest easy and not carry the fate of the world, but it was a hopeless desire, just as my desire to freeze my kids at four is hopeless.